I think it's times like these that make you wish you could go back to the way things were. Those times when you and your mum weren't constantly fighting over stupid things. Times when you could call your dad whenever, because you knew he would be there for you. Times when there wasn't a stranger living in your house that tries too hard to get you to like him.

The stranger that's making your family not your family. Well, go home stranger. Take all your expensive things and get out. Things are always somewhat okay until you decide to come around here, making trouble and pretending to make things easier. Well I can see through what you're doing. I hate you, stranger. I wish you had never showed your stupid face around here.

I want my mum back. I want the mum that made me feel comfortable at home back, not the mum that made me miserable at home. I hate this mum that is always trying to pick fights and blaming me for things I have no control over. I just want what I once had, but never gave away. It was just taken from me. Now I'm just the girl living in their house that is only there for one more year. I'm just the girl that 'causes problems' and is hard to deal with.

Fuck you, stranger. Take your problems and get out.

For some reason, my mum just can't settle with not having some guy around, trying to fill this 'family' idea that she has. Well, if she could just accept us three as a family, we'd be fine. But instead, she has to bring losers into our lives and wreck everything. The only thing I've ever wanted is happiness for all of us. Right now, there's only happiness for 2 of them. I've never been so frustrated in my whole life. I've never wanted so badly to just get out of here. I know that I would miss this place, but there really has to be something better for me out there. There has to be somewhere that I can feel no pressure to be anything I'm not, no constant belittlement, no more endless beration for things I didn't do, or ways that I act.

I am who I am, and I used to be accepted for that here, in what used to be my home.

I now feel like this isn't my home. YOU came into MY house, stranger. So why don't you get out, and never, ever come back. I've never felt this way before. I don't feel safe here. I can't express my emotions here without being ripped to shreds, because apparently my feelings are unjustified and unfair. Whenever it's me getting frustrated, I get yelled at. If it's someone else, they get calmed down and told that it's okay. Well fuck you all. I don't give a fuck anymore. I just want to go home. Wherever that is.

I'll find it someday.

find me on the twitter machine :)

delaneysays :)

release.

I'm frustrated, over-tired and you're acting strange. As much as we're good friends, you still change day to day and I still try hard to get you to be consistent and just be nice all the time. Or at least tolerant. I want that book really bad, by the way. It would be SOOOOO cool to get it. Maybe I should ask - no, beg my mother to get it for me. Just pick it up, I'll pay back.

Tired.

But feel the need to type. Those urges that just seem to overtake you and you simply cannot do anything but obey. Why did she get that role? Who knows. But I know she can't act. Oh well. Sort of.

body and soul are tired, and they need a fresh start.

But tomorrow is Tuesday, so I guess I'll just have my fresh start a day late.

A- Annoying
B- Bouncy
C- Chatty
D- Daring
E- Eccentric
F- Funny?
G- Grandiose
H- Happy
I- Idiotic
J- Joker
K- Kool Kat :)
L- Loud
M- Moody
N- Noisy
O- Oblivious
P- Potato
Q- Questioning
R- Ramdom
S- Smart, actually.
T- Talkative
U- Understanding
V- Very... short?
W- Wobbly
X- Xtra retarded, most days
Y- Young
Z- Zebras are my favorite animals!

It's about time I write something, and I have a lot to vent about anyways.

First of all, there's this chick is my class and she hates me. Everyone knows it and we always talk about on LJ (my friend and I) and it's just common knowledge that she hates me.

Why does she hate me? I'll probably never know. Anyways, so the other day all of a sudden she goes 'Why do you think I hate you?'

And my friend and I looked at each other like HOLY MOTHERFUCK DID SHE FIND US ON LJ? But quickly we eliminated that possibility (somewhat, she may have super freak hating stalker powers) and slowly turned back to her. Here's how it went:

Her: Why do you think I hate you?

Me: ...

Her: *pointed look of 'i'm waaaaiting'*

Me: Who, moi? Noo, I don't think you hate me!

Her: Oh good, cause I love you!

I just wanted to crawl into a hole. I didn't even know what to do, it was so awkward.

Onto other news, we have a stupid, stupid substitute teacher who doesn't even know how to speak French! She switches between languages half way through a sentence, expects you to understand and then mispells CANADA!

SHE WROTE CANDA!!

And then, on top of that, she goes off on stupid tangents about women wearing black nylons and her great uncle calling them whores.

I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead.

Two times in a month is pushing it.

Rest in Peace, Grandpa Paul and Janice. I miss you both from the bottom of my heart.

Ever felt like whenever you admit that you may have feelings for someone it turns around on you and they pretty much stop giving you any signs of affection?

Yeah.

Or, have you ever talked to a friend about how you may have feelings for someone, then they tell you they share that feeling about the person?

Yeah.

Especially when that person is way prettier than you and probably has a much better chance at ultimately getting into a relationship with that person.

Yeah.

I guess all you can do is pretty much suck it up, smile through the hurt and be a good friend if anything comes of it for your friend and the object of your affections.

...Yeah.

I can already almost feel the hurt blooming in my chest from yet another failed attempt, (which is partially my fault because I never say anything to the person about my feelings), and I definitely don't want to lose the 'competition' as a friend, because she's great, but damnit, what am I supposed to do?

nothings gonna change my world.

Ryan Ross is right. Everything does make more sense in a rap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j50ZssEojtM

God, this is just one of those times when you're so mad you could just kick a small child. Seriously, my mum has gone through a few boyfriends over the years, none of which have left peacfully. They've all left their marks on me. One was an asshole and treated me like shit when I was five, like what the fuck? One was bi-polar and verbally abusive. One that was actually a genuinely nice guy, she leaves.

And now, there's this new guy. It's been two months, and it's love already. Woo dee fucking doo. My aunt's all going around saying that we have to design the wedding dress, and it just makes me want to fucking cry. I am so sick of my life being fucked with because my mum is a horrible judge of character. Yes, I want her to be happy, but I want to be fucking happy too.

Akh;djgbaksjbfgakjbfaijbv.

She's all like, seriously, tell me what you're thinking and all this, right? So I'm like, well no, cause you'll be mad, and when you're mad you freak out and throw stuff. So, finally I end up telling her after she's promised me that she won't get mad blah blah.

She gets mad. Sur-fucking-prise. It's like, she wants to be the good mother, and hear what I have to say, but when I say it she can't handle it and freaks out. She dumps all her shit on me, but won't let me get stuff of my chest when I talk to her.

GAH.

Yo.
New account etc..